Dude Longcouch

Dude Longcouch is Raphael without a turtle shell, and if you don't get the reference, he already hates you. He joined the nerdcorps at a young age, cutting his teeth on Intellivision and NES. Since then he has moved up the ranks and is currently a 4-star NEXT GENeral, or would be if that was a real thing. He personally guarantees that he has beaten the original Legend of Zelda more times than you have. When he's not practicing his Batarang skills, Dude Longcouch also enjoys TV shows, literature, comic books, movies, music, slushies, and of course, boobs. He dislikes Courtney Love and cats. His philosophy is to be your best, and he is a firm believer that real men knife the explosive barrels (no matter what). All of his stats are maxed out at 999, including his ninja stats, but he never uses them because he doesn't feel like it. One day he hopes to find that turtle shell and realize his full potential.